Monthly Archives: February 2016

Dear Ask a Deadhead (A Trump Question) #3

Dear Ask a Dead, My daughter, who I’m proud to say is a second-generation tie-dyer, has a boy friend I’m going to call “Really Stupid.” He was over for dinner — or “wasting oxygen,” as my husband likes to say — and announced that he and my daughter had been to a Trump rally. I…   READ MORE

SPECS FOR MY NEW “KIMBRACEABLE©®™” APP

Hey Bestie! The season of giving and sharing may be over. But here in L.A., the season for over sharing never ends, Am I right? So I wanted to show you my new micro-personalized app that is going to be free and mega:  “KIMBRACEABLE”©®™” My mom suggested it. And even though she’s a total nightmare sometimes,…   READ MORE

Dear Ask a Deadhead #2

Dear Ask a Deadhead, My boyfriend says tie-dye makes me look fat. But then he also likes Neil more than Jerry. Is tie-dye figure-flattering or not? And should I dump this guy? —Daisy, Madison, Wis Whoa, whoa, whoa! I like Neil, but your BF needs to get his hearing checked. Seriously, Neil has written some…   READ MORE

The Vegas Line on the Upcoming Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Movie

Before Opening Day: Odds your girlfriend or wife wants to see the film opening weekend: 6-1 Odds your boyfriend or husband wants to see it opening weekend: 7-5 Odds the screening you want to see will be sold out: 4-1 Odds the IT department at work will be short-staffed on opening day: No Bets Accepted…   READ MORE

Dear Ask a Deadhead

Dear Ask a Deadhead, I don’t want to sound uptight, but I’m an old school member of the Church of Jerry and my problem is this: I really love Bernie Saunders and all his platforms and ideas. But he is from Vermont, if you know what I mean. — Melissa, Oak Park, IL Readers,  every…   READ MORE

I Was Charles Bukowski’s Life Coach

1969 A grizzled man comes in. He reeks of booze. Calls me a con man bullshitter snake oil scumbag. He says he works at the post office but he wants to be a writer. You can be anything you want to be! I say. Are you out of your mind? You can, I insist. But…   READ MORE

My Safe Words List

“Choose a word, Ana.” Oh . . . “A safe word,” he says softly. “Popsicle.” I say, panting. – Fifty Shades Freed Most people have positive associations with popsicles. Popsicle isn’t a “stop” word, it’s a “go” word, like ice cream, basketball, bicycle or kangaroo. Everyone loves popsicles; it’s not a word you associate with…   READ MORE