Dear Ask a Deadhead

Dear Ask a Deadhead,

I don’t want to sound uptight, but I’m an old school member of the Church of Jerry and my problem is this: I really love Bernie Saunders and all his platforms and ideas. But he is from Vermont, if you know what I mean. — Melissa, Oak Park, IL

Readers,  every day I get a number of questions just like this from our brothers and sisters. Let me read between the lines for you. What Melissa is saying is that she’s a traveler who is not a fan of Phish, which is a band from Vermont, and that she, like a lot of older Deadheads, dislikes Phish so much, she’s having a hard time voting for Bernie. Melissa is not alone. Trust me.

But let me answer your question, Melissa,  with another question: Can we, as a nation, condemn an entire state because it provided the launching pad for a quartet of short, Dead-influenced jammers with stupid song titles like “Meatstick,” “Icculus” and “Guyute”  and a pretty kicking light show? Are we really that petty? 

As tempting as it is to blame all of Vermont for this sonically derivative band with awesome chops and not great songs, I totally know in my heart that Jerry would never do that. And you totally know it, too. They’re  just playin’ in the band. So go ahead and Bern it up.  And lose the hate while you are at it.

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Dear Ask a Deadhead,

There’s a refugee crisis going on. I feel like I should be doing something to help. Any ideas on how to address this calamity? — Mike, Syosset, N.Y.

It is so awful what is going on in those refugee places, man. I totally hear you. But just yesterday I had a vision. Not like a glorious blue-dot or psilocybin mandala-in-your-mind vision, but more like a regular old-fashioned “plan” or “idea.” Those refugees have endless hours with nothing to do and nothing to sit on, right?  Dude, that’s like the PERFECT training conditions for hackin’ the sack! They could become total hacky sack monsters — and it’s one of the best ways to pass the time if you don’t have any anything, you know?. You should contact the Wham-O Corporation and get them to airlift some footbags over there pronto!

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Dear Ask a Deadhead,

Settle an argument: My girlfriend says bringing pot brownies to a potluck is “really phony grad-school meta bullshit.” I say, “Whoa, what’s that about?” Who is right? — Weedless in Seattle

I totally sense trouble ahead and trouble behind. But you and your brownies would be most welcome at my potluck ANY time. And by that I mean, even when I’m not having a potluck. Most people I know — all of them, actually — would feel the same.

 

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2 Comments

  • Don Bergenty says:

    Whoa Seth! Some of us are forced to live in the straight world by the Man. We cannot get dosed at your brownie shindig. Hey we dig Loose Lucy but cannot get an overdosed, sugar high. We would be out in the Cold Rain and Snow. If Bern does not make it will the Crews take care of us? I doubt it. Those of us who were left to find a few dollars not working in the Media world would still want to stop by for a glass of Ripple.

    Wineing in Seattle

  • Kevin Frain says:

    Seth with several generations of Deadheads out there now I think you are on to something here, if we can’t laugh at ourselves life is too serious – keep ’em coming.

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