The season of giving and sharing may be over. But here in L.A., the season for over sharing never ends, Am I right?
So I wanted to show you my new micro-personalized app that is going to be free and mega: “KIMBRACEABLE”©®™”
My mom suggested it. And even though she’s a total nightmare sometimes, it’s actually a good idea. It’s perfect for my fans’ obsession with me and my obsession with my fans’ obsession with me, and my mom’s obsession with my fans’ obsession with me.
This app design guy came over — Justin or Jason or maybe Tom, I can’t remember his name, but he was wearing Lee jeans (LMAO!) — and explained how I should write a “spec” for the app. So here’s my first draft. Let me know… K?
Where is Kim? <Display my location>
How far am I from Kim? <Display answer in miles / feet / inches>
How long will it take to get to Kim? <Calculate and display by car/ on foot/ crawling on hands and knees>
Play me Kim’s favorite song ever of all time for today: <We’ll sell this spot to Universal Music or Spotify>
Show me Kim’s booty through history: <Porno Era/ Pre-Baby #1/ Post-#1 but Pre-#2/ Post #2>
The most incredible product ever made right now: <Display stuff I get paid to promote>
Reality show Kim hates most today: <All of them, except our show, of course. Randomize>
Which sister is pissing Kim off right now? <Just put all four and randomize>
Why she’s pissing Kim off? <Just randomize: So rude!, Needs New Man!, Ungrateful!, Such a hideous selfie!, What a bitch!, Forgets her place!, So selfish! No manners! She can do so much better!>
My fantasy besties randomizer: <Photoshop selfies of me with: Imelda Marcos, Marie Antoinette, Marilyn, Madonna, Liz Taylor, Leona Helmsley, Evita>
Kim’s favorite charity: <Link to: the U.S. Cosmetology Foundation for More Foundation for the Needy>
Kim’s krucial kosmetics: <Monthly, whatever that bitch my mom brokers>
Fool foto of the day: <Scumbag 1 or Scumbag 2 or Scumbag 3 or my brother>
Assercise Tip of the Day: <Get it from my trainer>
Inspirational O.J. quotes about my Dad: <Lets ask O.J.; it will give him something to do while he’s in prison >
Share with Kim! Take my monthly questionnaire. Don’t worry; it’s multiple choice —so you can guess!: <Display list of questions>